Rosstwat McGillicutty was in great distress,

For he was constantly hounded by Stephen “Cuntball” Burgess

RT would try to go about his day

But Cuntball would just get in the way

Like this one time when RT saw the new Star Wars movie, and Cuntball Stephen just showed up & sat next to him. It would’ve been okay if Stephen hadn’t peed himself and threw up aaaaaall over the row in front of them. RT tried to distance himself from the situation, but Cuntball grabbed onto him & started crying. A lot. Like that kind of crying where you can’t breathe & there’s a ton of snot streaming down your face. That’s what Cuntball was doing. As they were being escorted out of the theatre, Stephen also pooped himself. A river of shit flooded the theatre. A HAZMAT quarantine was established & 3 people drowned. Stephen pooped so much that 3 people drowned in poop.



O hear, all, my tale of Mean Donald Trump

Who’s strength was bested by a massive dump.

On the toilet he did strain,

His pale ass was in great pain, 

Until finally he managed to push the fire hydrant-sized turd out from ‘twixt his cheeks. Unfortunately for Trump, the strain caused a major blood vessel in his head to burst. The blood on his brain gave him the symptoms of dementia, and he began spouting off all kinds of insane rhetoric about deporting Muslims and Mexico paying for a wall along the southern border of the United States. As shocking as it all is, he honestly doesn’t have long – He’s basically a light breeze away from a MASSIVE aneurysm.


Gabby Gelfort was quite bland and dull

She liked her blouses sensible, and her socks made of wool.

She resisted the life ostentatious,

Which made her home lonely but spacious,

But the truth of the matter is that Gabby lives this way because she’s the key witness in a grizzly serial murder investigation & was placed into witness protection. She tries to make friends, but it’s difficult because she can’t tell anyone who she *really* is or what she knows. This is killing her, as her mind is heavily burdened by what she’s seen, the pain she’s witnessed. So she keeps her life simple, because she fears any deviation from routine would send her tumbling into insanity.