Bird

Good sir, have you heard about the Bird.

I’m here to say that the Bird is the word.

You won’t find him on any turf.

Cuz this Bird loves to surf.

So much so that it won every single surfing competition from Hawaii to the Mediterranean. He was so good that every other so-called competetive surfer quit surfing and abandoned their dreams. They all became accountants, bankers, and insurance adjusters. All the beaches are now barren, except for one singular bird. The Surfin’ Bird.

Slopabottomus

The Sarasota Zoo had a cool Hippopotamus

He played funk music, they called him “Slopabottomus”

One day while rocking the place

He broke a string on his bass

Which caused him to go on a murderous rampage throughout the Sarasota Zoo Amphitheater. He crushed people with his mighty Hippo body; he bit a woman in half; one witness said Slop literally swallowed a kid whole. ┬áPeople forget that Hippos, even Slopabottomus, are vicious territorial creatures that will kill on a moment’s notice.

Schooner

Little Billy wanted to get to school sooner

So his parents surprised him with his very own schooner

For his test he would not be late

He set sail – he could not wait

But he hit a random chop and began to lose control of his vessel. He struck his head on the ship’s wheel and fell into the water. His body washed up on the Connecticut coast three days later, bloated and swollen from the ocean. The kicker? His school was nowhere near a body of water. This purchase made literally no sense. It was tragic and pointless.

Ross-Twat

Rosstwat McGillicutty was in great distress,

For he was constantly hounded by Stephen “Cuntball” Burgess

RT would try to go about his day

But Cuntball would just get in the way

Like this one time when RT saw the new Star Wars movie, and Cuntball Stephen just showed up & sat next to him. It would’ve been okay if Stephen hadn’t peed himself and threw up aaaaaall over the row in front of them. RT tried to distance himself from the situation, but Cuntball grabbed onto him & started crying. A lot. Like that kind of crying where you can’t breathe & there’s a ton of snot streaming down your face. That’s what Cuntball was doing. As they were being escorted out of the theatre, Stephen also pooped himself. A river of shit flooded the theatre. A HAZMAT quarantine was established & 3 people drowned. Stephen pooped so much that 3 people drowned in poop.