Titillating

Franklin Pfiffernom felt so uninspired.

A titillating exchange was what he desired.

He decided to take a trip

To see the Las Vegas Strip

But within an hour of landing, he found a blackjack table at a hotel close to the airport and lost everything. More than everything, in fact – he owes $20,000 to a bookie who’s legal name is SnakePit.  He has 24 hours to round up the rest of his money or else SnakePit is going to remove Franklin’s fingers.  I’m no fortune teller, but I’m 85% sure Franklin’s going to lose his fingers.

Trump

O hear, all, my tale of Mean Donald Trump

Who’s strength was bested by a massive dump.

On the toilet he did strain,

His pale ass was in great pain, 

Until finally he managed to push the fire hydrant-sized turd out from ‘twixt his cheeks. Unfortunately for Trump, the strain caused a major blood vessel in his head to burst. The blood on his brain gave him the symptoms of dementia, and he began spouting off all kinds of insane rhetoric about deporting Muslims and Mexico paying for a wall along the southern border of the United States. As shocking as it all is, he honestly doesn’t have long – He’s basically a light breeze away from a MASSIVE aneurysm.

Opulence

King Ferdinand lived with luxurious opulence.
From his solid gold toilet, to his leather-bound fence.
Oh, the nights he did play;
With expensive large women he did lay;
Until one night when he contracted what can only be described as “weaponized syphilis” from a prostitute named “Pile-driver Peggy” The new strain of STD rotted away both his genitalia and his brain in a matter of days. As King Ferdinand’s mangled, withered body slowly faded away, he watched as these Ladies of the Night basically cleaned him out. They stole from him without an ounce of remorse; nobody even thought to call a doctor for the opulent King. He died alone, in an empty house, with nothing left but his golden toilet, which, with his last dying act, he discovered was merely gold-plated.