The Origin of Puppymonkeybaby…

Puppymonkeybaby was created by scientists in a top secret genetic research laboratory in an undisclosed area of the Sierra Madre Mountains. PMB represented a tremendous leap forward in the science of genetic manipulation. It had the strength and agility of a capuchin monkey, the stamina & intelligence of a purebred pug, and the curiosity & resilience of a newborn baby from Beverly Hills . And it had a stable genetic matrix, something that until now had been but a dream. But now, the dream had come to fruition. Now, human dna could be successfully spliced with the dna of animals. Think of it: the strength, endurance, and power of the animal kingdom – all now at man’s fingertips!

Unfortunately, Puppymonkeybaby was only a stepping stone in this journey – a simple experiment meant to prove a hypothesis. This meant that PMB would likely be put down & dissected. Puppymonkeybaby learned of its intended fate, and managed to break containment & escape. Before he fled, however, he sought vengeance against the humans that forced him into existence. With a teary eye and a heavy heart, he snapped the necks of the scientists that made him what he is.

But he made it out. That’s something, at least.

But what of his life now? He had no family, no home, no memories. We wandered alone, a living, breathing monument to man’s blind ambitious arrogance to overcome & control nature. He had no past and, as he could see, no future. Then, one day as he huddled for warmth underneath the awning of a Nevada bookstore, he was approached by a well dressed man. He was wary of this individual, but he sensed no ill intent in the man, so he did not flee. The man said, “Excuse me, but you are the most exquisite creature I have ever seen. You look cold, hungry, and tired. I believe I may be able to help you. I am the head of marketing at Mountain Dew, and you would be the PERFECT spokesperson for our new 3-in-1 energy drink. I can’t promise it will be easy – you’ll work hard & a lot will be expected of you. But I can promise that you will be loved, respected, and want for nothing. Does that sound like something you would like?” PMB shook his head voraciously and took the man by the hand. As the two strolled away, the man asked PMB, “Do you have a name?” PMB promptly responded with a proud, joyous, and monotone “Puppymonkeybaby.”


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